Mother's

I know that my life will not get easier as my kids grow up. There will be new challenges for me and for them. I had something crappy happen to me this week, I am trying to figure out how I will manage to keep my full time job and make sure my kids are good. I am lucky to have the parents that I do. My parents not only love my kids and have a lot of patience with them but they love me more than I deserve. Obviously being a Mom makes me realize how much my Mom does love me and I know that she would do anything she could for me. If I didn't have her I would be on welfare living in a hole. Since the day my maternity leave, with Maddie, ended my Mom has sacrificed her own time to take care of her. The first 2 years of Maddie's life my Mom watched her 2 or 3 days a week. My Mom set aside dinner for me so that I could eat when I came to pick Maddie up. My Mom takes Sean to school and picks him up every Friday while I am at work. I appreciate her every day but since this Sunday is Mother's day I need to do something pretty special. That can be a challenge since she seems to have everything. Coming up with something that is truly unique and special is so hard. Sean and Maddie make me cards, Maddie will even wrap me up some of my lotion from the bathroom as a gift. Is a card enough to say Thanks for everything? especially when "everything" includes as much as it does, probably not. Mother's are amazing, people say that Mom's sacrifice so much for their children. I don't think I see it as sacrificing. It is so natural to make sure that they have what they need. Providing for them happens without a second thought. When they cry, I cry. When they are sick I do whatever I can to ease their pain. I am so proud of them when they accomplish something. They are amazing, smart, funny, wonderful people and I am blessed that they are mine. All of the wonderful things they bring to my life more than makes up for anything I could have without them. If this is what my Mother feels for me then I can understand why she is always there to help me. I love being a Mom and I love my Mom.

blogging is so hard

Blogging is so hard for me. I start and then stop, then a year or so later try to start again. Some people have a knack for it, I don't. Words don't flow from my brain to my fingers typing story after story. Thoughts and ideas pop into my head and then they are gone. Some are revisited and others are never thought of again. I guess I will just keep trying and maybe it will come more easily. A couple of weeks ago I had an entire week off of work. Sean was on spring break and I had decided to give him a real break. No getting up before the sun to be carted off somewhere. He didn't have to ask who was going to pick him up that day. It was amazing. I have never been a Mom that stays at home, and I never thought I would be good at that. Whatever, we had a wonderful week. It was complete bliss from beginning to end. Each day we woke up when our bodies were ready, we went to bed when we felt like it. Seriously best week ever. The house was clean, laundry done, kids were bathed, finger nails and toe nails were an appropriate length, laughing was an everyday occurence. Because of that week I felt renewed as a Mom, I do have good kids and life isn't so bad. I am going to take more weeks off in the future for Sean and Maddie. So even though our normal life is crazy, every now and again we can pretend that we are just like everyone else.

I need sleep.

After working a 12 hour day (that does not include waking up 2 hours before my shift and getting home 2 hours after it is over) I am tired. Last night I didn't have the energy that Maddie wanted me to have. All she wanted was for me to jump on the tramp with her and I couldn't. It was difficult enough to make dinner for myself and drive home from my parents house. Luckily for me Sean didn't fall asleep in the car. I can carry Maddie in from the car pretty easily but Sean is another story. He is just getting too big for me to carry back and forth. I wish that I had the seemingly endless energy of a 4 year old. I so badly wanted to play with her and have fun. I can't make her understand how tired I am. She doesn't understand that my day may not have been the best. All she knows is that she hasn't seen me all day long and she needs me. It is impossible for me to imagine how hard it can be for her to not see me all day for days at a time. I am going to try to find some energy at the end of my day today. I am going to do my best to play with her for a few minutes, no matter what it is. I might find that playing for a few minutes after such a long day at work is just the thing that I need.

The party is over.

I have learned a valuable lesson this weekend. Birthday parties are more work than I can handle, the stress is unbelievable and I always feel like I should have done more. There are things that I already knew about myself that should have clued me into this and then no lesson needed. I have terrible time management skills, I think I can do hundreds of things in half of the time it takes everyone else. I make plans and deadlines but don't stick to them. I could never be a party planner. I know these things about myself and still decided to attempt a birthday party at the zoo. What was I thinking? And to top that off I decided to see the hunger games with my sister at 9pm the night before the party. Seriously I should have my head examined. I ended up staying up until 1:00 am putting together the party bags.

The party itself was great. The princess was fantastic, the girls were so entertained by her that she held all of their attention the entire time. I swear one of Maddie's friends never blinked. They read a story, she sang and danced with them. They had tea party snacks, made bracelets and had a fabulous time. I was a wreck, running from the main gate to the party and back several times to make sure that everyone that was coming got in alright. Lucky for me there were plenty of Mom's there to help me out and keep all of the kids together. making it through the party would have been impossible without their help. So once again I find myself grateful for people who are willing to help me out. I might be bald without them.

The party will go on despite the look of the cupcake.

Once again I have decided to give this blogging thing a try. If not for anyone other than me and the sanity I hope to gain from doing it. I am trying to be more understanding of other people. I have high expectations of myself and what I can accomplish in one day. I put those expectations onto other people and think that maybe they can do everything as well. This is not to say that I am amazing at what I do, I just have a lot to do and only myself to rely on (most of the time). Today someone forgot to take the cupcake supplies for Maddie's birthday party over to my Mom (she is kindly making the cupcakes for me while I am at work). It doesn't seem like the biggest deal but I took Maddie to the store with me twice so that she could pick out the cupcake papers, frosting, and decorations. Taking Maddie to a craft store is not an easy task. She is very well behaved but has to look at everything in the store. I am not crafty and want to run from the store. I feel like I wasted all of my time and effort because someone forgot all of the stuff. I was not very happy about what happened but after I talked to my Mom, I found out that the other person had a pretty rough morning. This is where I need to be understanding. I have had rough mornings, afternoons, evenings, and nights. They are only cupcakes and the recipients of these cupcakes will be 4 year old girls. Cupcakes will be forgotten about moments after they eat them. The party will be fine, Maddie will be fine and life will go on.

Las Vegas Ragnar relay

I participated in the Las Vegas Ragnar relay this past weekend and it was a blast. It was so much fun that I am planning on doing it next year. Each vehicle holds six runners, I was the last runner in my van. I had three separate legs to run totalling 18.1 miles. My first leg was 8.8 miles and went fantastically. The first half was almost entirely uphill and the second half was downhill. The second leg was by far the nicest surface to run on, even in the dark, I ran at around 0200. My distance was 3.2 miles, even though it was .1 farther than a 5K, it counts as my fastest 5K time. I then had to wait almost 10 hours to start my final leg of the run. My final leg was 6.1 miles and on a dirt road. I wasn't totally loving the idea of running one more time but I knew that I could do it. I had been training for months, running a couple of times a day and throwing in cycling workouts. At the end of everything and having sprinted to the end of my last run, I was so happy with what I accomplished.

I have never had so much fun participating in any event. Hanging out with people in a van for a day and a half is so much more fun than I imagined. The support the people in the van give you is great. I was provided water whenever I wanted it and any food that I needed. I ran, I laughed and I survived Ragnar relay Las Vegas. This was a great way to spend a weekend.

The "F" word

Last week I went to pick Sean and Maddie up from school after a long day at work. The evening teacher asked if she could talk to me (that is never a good thing). She told me that Sean had used the "F" word at school. You can imagine the horror going on inside my head. I am shocked that he used that word at school, I know he has asked me about it before but he said it at school. Great, now I am that Mom of that kid that teaches the other kids all of the bad words. So back to the teacher. She tells me that Maddie was using the potty and passed gas. Sean thought it was funny and stated that Maddie "Farts" when she laughs. Yep he said the "F" word at school, Farts. I laughed a little until I realized that she was entirely serious. Really that is not the "F" word and Sean can say that word all he wants. I am just glad that he didn't really drop the actual F-bomb.